drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
