mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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