Will you blow on my dice?
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
