JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
