I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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