There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
