Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
