tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize