So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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