Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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