So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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