Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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