don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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