maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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