im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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