Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
