This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
