I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
