Moan for me like Helen Keller
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
