Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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