Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize