Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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