let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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