I am in a vortex of obligation.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
