plz talk dirty to me
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
