I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses youâ€
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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