God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
