last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
