You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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