I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
If I had your ass I would rule the world
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
