2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
