why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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