I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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