Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
