Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
