I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
