Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
