Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
