An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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