Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
this just has baby written all over it
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
