shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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