Me too!
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
