Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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