if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
