My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
