So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
