Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
