im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
