i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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