Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
