marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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