My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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