I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
