Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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