You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
