It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You're completely useless in the revolution.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
