Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
