Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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