Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
