So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
