..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
