6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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