My Higher Power is John Stamos
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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