If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
