I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
