so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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