so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
