Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
