thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
